is the second in our series of dictionary interviews, where we close our
eyes, open up a dictionary, and put our finger down on a word. That
word ends up being the topic of the entire interview, meaning that every
question must, in some way or another, deal with it.
Our victims this time are the folks at Datawaslost
Recordings. Purveying quality indie music from the town of
Cincinnati, the label has become a major fixture on the scene, putting out
albums by some of the best bands the city has to offer. With all of
the label "owners" also participating in the album's numerous
bands, this is one of the most creative groups of people you're ever
likely to meet. For the sake of the interview, we've shortened the
names of everyone for ease in reading:
"I" is Indieville.
"GD" is GD Mills, member of Aphid,
the Decisions, and the Fairmount
"MB" is Michael Bond of Coltrane Motion and the
"MF" is Mike Fair of Haleymill,
the Mitchells, and the Decisions.
"TH" is Tim Heyl of Velcro
Farlo, and the Mitchells.
And today's word is... "mallet"
I: Have you ever used a mallet? If so, what for?
MB: We have a very special tradition around here involving
Whack-a-mole, guacamole and former Orioles pitcher 'Doc' Amole!
MF: There's nothing quite like a Whack-a-mole mallet when it comes to
avacodos and obscure 19th century baseball players!
I: Do you own a mallet?
GD: Are the things I hit my gong with considered mallets?
MB: I think so - they definitely belong to the mallet family.
MF: They're mallet-esque.
TH: Matt Sorum-style! G-N-F-N-R!!!
I: Do you think datawaslost would benefit from having a mallet?
MB: Our Whack-a-mole mallet aside, we feel mallets DO add that extra
touch of indie cred - I mean, name one band that's used timpanis that
didn't rock out.
TH: Count Basie.
GD: The Count may not have "rocked" post-'66, when he and his
band were obviously pandering to the whole psychedelic vibe, but despite
popular critical analysis, I've always considered 'Basiespace' a classic -
in that 'Their Satanic Majesties Request' sort of way.
TH: Here we go..
MF: Don't get him started on 'Their Satanic..' - or 'Arthur..' by The
GD: What?! I just think 'Sgt. Pepper..' gets way too much attention
MF: How are you always so down on that record? Ugh.. where's my copy of
GD: Maybe it's by your Chuck Taylors! Why don't you go listen to the
new Wilco or something?!
MF: Why don't you go listen to Mooney Suzuki!?
TH: Alright, whatever - back to the interview..
I: Mallet is an anagram for Tall Me. Does this matter?
MF: Only because it's also an anagram for Metal L, which is what we
call our friend Lewis, who's waaay into Dio.
MB: Remember Metal L's tribute record 'Front Row Dio?'
TH: He made these 4-track recordings of Dio covers and gave them to
everyone like it was this big deal - like it was supposed to be in the
back-catalogue or something!
GD: Remember how it had his head on Dio's body for the cover? That was
I: Which of your bands would be most likely to win an ultra mallet
deathmatch (whatever that may be) with a street gang?
TH: Definitely Gossett.
GD: And definitely not Fair!
MF: Hey! Wha??
GD: He's just tougher than you - well, than any of the rest of us,
MB: Gossett's not a delicate flower!
I: Do you ever have the urge to mallet some of your co-label owners
oblivion? If so, why?
TH: Sometimes GD does this thing where he doesn't pay rent for like 3
MB: He deserves a solid mallet-ing!
MF: Or he acts like Seth didn't pay the rent..
GD: Seth's a jerk - remember when he broke the window at the practice
space!? He was off the hook that night!
MB: (to interviewer) Uh.. Seth is GD's performance art alter-ego. Or
GD: Or something? Whatever - he's my Welsh cousin. It's just that we're
never at the same place
at the same time. And we look exactly the same. You just don't get it. You
don't know me..
I: Running a record label, you must come across some difficult
decisions. Tell us about this, making sure to use the word
"mallet" at least once in your explanation.
MB: I'd say mallet.
GD: Yeah, mallet mallet.
MF: That one time, with the mallet?
I: Should judges start using inflatable mallets instead of gavels?
MF: Only if they are at carnivals.
MB: And have those little plastic balls inside of them.
GD: Not enough trials are held in carnivals - the judicial system could
be a lot more fun if you could get elephant ears on demand.
I: I'm offering to mail you an actual judge's gavel if you're
willing to put a big picture (or illustration) of a mallet on Post-Haste's
next album or EP cover. Do you accept?
GD: Funny you should offer, because our next album is actually called
'Love Mallet,' with the single "Mallet of Love!" And the cover
has Cupid smashing a kissing couple with a gigantic mallet!
MF: Judge's gavel, here we come!!
I: Make a rhyme about a mallet.
TH: Mallet, mallet, mallet, I found you at the ballet.
I took you home, through Greece and Rome
Then put you on a pallete.
MB: Tim, I think ballet has a silent T..
TH: I'll give you a silent T!
GD: Gimme a "Bucket T!"
GD: No, Who.
GD: Forget about it..
I: What was better, the Super Mario Mallet or the Magic Mushroom?
MB: I was always a frog suit kinda guy myself..
TH: Unless you're talking about Castlevania, I don't wanna hear it.
MF: Aw c'mon - Super C, Tecmo Bowl, Bad Dudes..
TH: Nope - not listening!
GD: Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start!
MB: That code cost me 2 years of my childhood!
I: How would you feel about music made solely with mallets?
MF: I'm actually a big fan of Mallet Mel and the Malletmen - at least
the early stuff. 'Malletron' really changed how i looked at music, at
least the mallet aspect of it.
GD: They really did wonders for the mallet scene as a whole, paving the
way for the Malleteers, Mike & the Mallets, The Malletones, Mallėt..
MB: Don't forget The Mallets.
MF: Yeah! 'You Really Mallet Me' - you can't deny that's a classic
I: If you could have any mallet, what colour would it be?
GD: Black and white. Or maybe white and black.
MB: Definitely shit brown with gold fleck.
MF: Acually, shit brown is the absence of colour.
I: What is the most rewarding aspect of running an indie label and
would you trade it for a golden mallet?
MB: I'd have to say all the fan mallets we receive in the mail.
GD: And it would totally ruin our integrity if we traded them all for
one golden mallet.
TH: We have integrity?
I: And now for a riddle:
If you have a scarlet mallet and you want to go and play,
Should you hit a mullet, take his wallet, and then run away?
GD: Mallet-mugging a mullet is tricky business. You definitely need the
right mallet for the job.
MF: Like Maxwell's Silver Mallet?!
MB: I've never agreed with the message implied in that song. Mallet
violence is just a symptom of the mallet-centric society that we mallet
I: Is this the stupidest interview you've ever done? Stupider than a
MF: Actually, no! I once did an interview consisting solely of
questions pertaining to Judd Nelson.
MB: Yeah, we have no idea why a zine called 'Judd Crudd' would be so
interested in Haleymill, but they had a surprisingly large subscriber
GD: Just like Indieville!!
Datawaslost's website, www.datawaslost.net,
is packed full of mp3s to listen to and albums to buy. Why not check
it out? HMMM???